As an HIV-Positive Man, These Are the 5 Questions I’m Asked Most Often About Dating

published on August 21, 2018 by jeff leavell , in Hornet

I am an HIV-positive, 50-year-old gay man. I tested positive for HIV in 2013, when I was 45 years old. I seroconverted during the time of antiretrovirals and PrEP. Months after testing positive I was labeled “undetectable,” meaning that thanks to those antiretrovirals and access to good health care, I can no longer transmit the virus. And while there have been amazing breakthroughs in science and in education regarding HIV and its transmission, sometimes dating with HIV still feels scary. Sometimes those of us with HIV still live under the stigma of the disease, both from within ourselves and from outside.

My boyfriend, Noah, is HIV-negative. I told him my HIV status before we ever went on our first date. His response was amazing: “OK. But I think we can work through anything if we want to. Maybe I will go do a little education just so I know what everything means. I’m excited to meet you.”

Still, it can be hard to let go of that voice in the back of your head telling you you’re sick, broken or tainted somehow. And learning to date after you find out you are HIV-positive can be scary. Sometimes other people will say things that can be hurtful. But in my experience, most of the time, people have been amazing and kind, and honestly way more educated about dating with HIV than I would have thought.

A person should never feel ashamed of his HIV status, or feel less than or unworthy of love.

With that in mind, here are five questions I’ve been asked repeatedly on my blog, where I discuss living and dating with HIV.

1. “When is the best time to tell someone I am HIV-positive?“

I tell people right away, before I even meet them. The reason for this is less about them and more about myself. I want to give them the chance to back out — or to be a dick — before I’ve even formed a connection to them. If someone is going to say something hurtful, or decide they don’t want to meet me because of my HIV status, I want to know that as soon as possible.

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Treatment as Prevention®

BC Centre for Excellence in HIV/AIDS

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As an HIV-Positive Man, These Are the 5 Questions I’m Asked Most Often About Dating

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