Dear Daddy: The father-child bond is many things, but it’s almost always complicated

published on June 21, 2015 by Glen Schaefer, in The Province

There’s no one-size-fits-all Hallmark template for a father. He might be the guy from whose professional shadow you wanted to escape, or the guy you wish you could have seen more of. He may have been the teacher or the cheering section — or both.

To mark Father’s Day, we spoke to four British Columbians about their fathers and found one common theme of the father-child bond: It’s complicated.

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DR. JULIO MONTANER: ‘He was an idol and a best friend… but also my strongest critic’

Pioneering HIV/AIDS researcher Dr. Julio Montaner’s father was one of Argentina’s most prominent doctors, so when it came time for Julio to establish his own medical career, he came to B.C., away from his father’s professional shadow.

“There was nowhere I could go in Argentina without being always greeted the same way: ‘How is your father doing?’” recalled Montaner, now head of the B.C. Centre for Excellence in HIV/AIDS.

The young doctor’s restlessness was B.C.’s good fortune. Montaner’s arrival in B.C. in 1981 coincided with the early days of the AIDS crisis, and he became a global leader in developing strategies and treatments to control the disease.

Those have been adopted worldwide, including in Montaner’s native Argentina.

He and his father, Luis Julio Montaner, ended up sharing the stage several times as speakers at international conferences, the elder Montaner speaking about his specialty in tuberculosis and respiratory medicine.

“To me, that was the realization of a dream,” Montaner said. “This was a very tangible way of saying: Yes, I made it, and now I’m sitting next to my dad.”

Montaner was born in 1956, the eldest of seven siblings, and grew up wanting to be a doctor. His father saw patients at the family home in Buenos Aires, and Julio tagged along on his father’s weekend rounds at the hospital.

Montaner describes his father as a demanding taskmaster. When Montaner and three of his brothers joined a rugby team as teenagers, their dad came along as cheering section and ad hoc first aid attendant.

“Even though he had limited understanding of orthopaedics or traumatology, he would improvise. I remember him quickly fixing us up and urging us to go back to the game.”

When Montaner’s grades dipped during high school, his father suggested he reconsider his plan to go to medical school.

“He basically told me, look, the way you’re going, you’re going to be an embarrassment,” Montaner said.

“I guess the reverse psychology worked very well, because I was shaken by the challenge.”

Last year, Montaner was named an officer of the Order of Canada for his work in establishing the global standard of care for HIV/AIDS treatment, and the United Nations adopted his program as its global strategy.

Montaner’s father died a year ago, after suffering from Alzheimer’s for about 10 years.

“He was an idol and a best friend most of my life, but also my strongest critic,” Montaner said.

“Although sometimes we had to agree to disagree — for example, when I decided to stay in Canada.

“Over the years, my dad got an opportunity to fully understand why I wanted to be here — not just because of my wife, my children, but also because of the opportunities that I had to pursue a bigger agenda. I guess I was forgiven.”

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Julio Montaner

BC Centre for Excellence in HIV/AIDS

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Dear Daddy: The father-child bond is many things, but it’s almost always complicated

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